guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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