I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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