You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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