Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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