I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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