We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
