she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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