What a fucking waste of an outfit
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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