im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
