I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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