a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize