This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
