I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
