we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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