I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize