he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
