Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
