dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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