a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are all done wearing pants today
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
