I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
