its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
