I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize