do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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