Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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