forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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