Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize