Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
