Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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