I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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