my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize