Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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