so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
