That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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