It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
