Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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