She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
