After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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