If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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