Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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