HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
