she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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