I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
