Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
