the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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