tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
