I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
