I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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