i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize