He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
