He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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