Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
