i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize