When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
