Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
