that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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