my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
