oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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