I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
