She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
