i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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