Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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