so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
