OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
