How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
