yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
