Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just had sex on a roof
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
