if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
