I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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