is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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