i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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