then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
