last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
