I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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