just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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