FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
