Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
