well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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