I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
