They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize