tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
