i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
