She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
