is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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