I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My bed is full of blood and feathers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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