Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
