just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
