Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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