The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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