Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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