i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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