By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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