Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize