that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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