I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
