How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
