Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
