Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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