i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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