my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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