I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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