He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
