Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
