The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He passed out mid-signature
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
