do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
